


Ballet Tights

by Gadhar



Series: Lee Equals Ballet with Different Versions [2]
Category: The Expendables (Movies)
Genre: Ballet, Fluff, Gen, Violence, cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-08
Updated: 2014-09-08
Packaged: 2018-02-16 16:51:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2277375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gadhar/pseuds/Gadhar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He does not, in fact, do ballet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ballet Tights

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Calacious](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calacious/gifts).



> I doubt this is what you had in mind. It's not really what I had in mind. But, it's one of the versions I have. Anyway, hope you enjoy.
> 
> To everyone else:  
> Inspired by a conversation with a friend after a discussion about [Tibetanese Chanting.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2277312)
> 
> I'm not going to apologize for the last line. I'm not. It's so cheesy but I love it. 
> 
> Also, I'm considering this complete for now. May add on in the future.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Jason Statham. But I kinda want to. He'd be a collectible. I also don't own anything else.

Barney thinks this is easily the weirdest thing he's ever encountered on a job. Truth be told, the job itself is pretty fucking weird. 

He stops drug smugglers and human traffickers. Shuts down sells of WMDs and national secrets. Topples terrorist organizations and tyrant regimes. Rescues valuable hostages and assassinates high risk threats. 

He does not, in fact, do ballet. 

Yet here he is, in a ballet school, trying to act like he's a prominent student from Italy who's getting ready to do some big show and it's a cover story he came up with oh, _about two seconds ago._

And the whole time, all he can think as he stares at the British man staring him down is, _This guy looks good in tights._ And it's a true statement. Anyway you take it. 

The guy in front of him looks more to Barney like he should be wearing the same black and armor Barney usually does, rather than the thin blue tights the man is actually in. He's got cold, narrowed eyes that are somewhere between gunmetal blue and steel knife grey and though his hands are right now around a container of hand chalk, Barney thinks they'd look better around the grip of a 1911 or a Bowie knife. 

"You're...a _dancer?"_ This man says it so incredulously, Barney can nearly see the disbelief dribbling out his mouth. He does not believe Barney one bit. He's smart not to, though it presents a complication for Barney. 

The whole point of this little jaunt through a ballet school was to get to the upper level where some decidedly illegal human trafficking was taking place. The whole point was to be stealthy and not get caught. The whole point was _not_ to be sized up by a guy in tights. 

A dancer. 

"Yeah, I told you, I'm from Italy. They make 'em bigger over there." Barney shrugs but this guy looks even more confused, and possibly a little offended. 

"Alright then," He says and he bounces a little on the balls of his feet. "What are you doing here this late then? School's closed." 

"Oh yeah? You're still here." 

"I'm allowed to be here. You're not. You know what I think?" 

"No. And I don't want to know." 

"I think you're lying. I think, you broke in here to check out the girls. Is that it mate? You a peeping tom?" 

Barney nearly punches him right there. Just to get the guy out of the way. But he doesn't and instead tries not to stutter when he says, "No. Just- Look, I'm going okay? I'm going." He holds up his hands and backs out of the room, trying not to run into anything because that would definitely crush his whole Italian dancer thing. He's supposed to be _graceful._

"You gonna come back tomorrow?" The guy asks when Barney has a hand on the door. 

"What?" Because why the fuck would he come back tomorrow? He could finish the job right now, knock this guy out and haul ass up the stairs. He could do it tomorrow too. But quite frankly, he's this close to just walking out and never coming back, screw the CIA. He knew he should've said no the minute they said ballet. 

"Tomorrow. Are you coming back tomorrow? To practice for your show?" 

"Oh, uh," It's here Barney thinks how horrible this will go if he says yes. Because now he's in deep. He's effectively undercover and regardless of the fact that this guy is a ballet dancer, he's too watchful for Barney to get around just now. And if he comes back tomorrow, he just has to hope this guy isn't around. Of course, if he says yes the guy will make a point to be here. And if he says no, the guy will question his entire story and maybe accidentally stumble across something he probably shouldn't. 

Barney is not a fan of innocents getting hurt. 

"Uh, yeah. Sure. I'll come back. Gotta...prepare for that show...thing." 

The man smiles, a ridiculously wide grin that is lethal and Barney knows, right then, his earlier statement needs to be changed. 

_This guy looks fucking hot in tights._

xxxx 

He does come back the next day. And Barney hopes that his choice to forego jeans in favor of sweatpants counts enough as dance-wear for him to be 'undercover'. 

He's made a point to be early, just in case there's no one there and he can quietly slip up to the upper floor, find the information he needs, and get out. 

Of course, it's never that simple. 

The minute he walks into the studio, the one you have to go through to get anywhere near the stairs to go upstairs, he stops dead. 

He's walked in at just the right moment to sidestep a man who comes flying towards him but after that, it's just Barney, the dancer, and a ton of unconscious guys on the floor. 

A ton of _dangerous_ unconscious guys. 

"Oh, oh hey!" The guy says and Barney looks up to see the man stepping over bodies to get to him. He looks jovial enough, even with the line of irritation between his eyes. "You're the Italian dancer, back again eh?" 

"Uh...yeah. What happened here?" In his head Barney's bouncing between what to think. Either this is some sort of show or ballet dancers are fucking scary. 

"Oh this? Don't worry, it's just part of the show. It's their uh, job, the show's like a fight scene, you know?" 

"Are they going to get up?" Barney asks because at least on of them is bleeding, and that is most certainly _not_ fake blood. 

"Oh yeah, yeah. Eventually. They're supposed to lay there, until I do the next part." 

"The next part," Barney repeats and he's got a feeling this dancer is lying through his teeth. Well, it's not really a feeling so much as something that's slapping him in the face. 

This dancer looked far too serious and broody yesterday to be just a dancer. And considering the power and skill it would've taken to knock out this many guys, Barney's fairly sure he's missing something. But that leaves the question as to who, exactly, is this dancer? 

But of course he can't seem too suspicious, he's supposed to be a dancer himself. So instead he gives the Brit a grin and asks, "Show me?" 

"W-what?" 

"Show me. The next part of your show. I think it'd be worth it to see how a fellow dancer...dances. Maybe it will help me improve my moves." 

Barney gets a raised eyebrow and yeah, he's borderline flirting but he's just trying to out this guy. There's no way he's who he claims to be. 

"Uh, sure. Okay. Yeah. Sure." 

The guy walks away from him, not even two feet away, and Barney sees the tensing of his shoulder an instant before he spins and launches a foot at Barney's face. 

It's an easy thing to sidestep, but the way the dancer follows up is fast, too fast even. He lands a few shots but they're light, not meant to injure, and Barney has to wonder why he's holding back. 

"Whoa there, kid. This part of the show too?" He blocks a punch, turns and brings a fist down on the man's cheek. 

"Who are you?" 

"Salvador Dali," Barney says as the man traps his wrist and tries to break it. 

"That's an artist not a dancer." 

"Close enough," Barney shoots back and he flips the Brit only to end up on the ground with him, legs around his throat. 

Barney likes to think he can counter most moves. He's seen a lot and studied a lot. He's a little disappointed to know none of that covered ballet because now he's going to have to see the _Nutcracker_ a few times just to keep his own nuts from being cracked by whatever psycho dancer he runs into next. Because that's his luck. 

"It's really not. Now, I either snap your neck, or, you tell me who you are and I _may_ snap your neck." 

Barney goes lax and considers his options. He could probably get out, or maybe he can turn this dancer to his side, he's got a gut feeling this guy isn't part of whatever dirty deeds the school's a part of. And everyone wants to play nice with the CIA. 

"Alright, alright, CIA. Back the fuck off okay?" 

"Shit," The man curses and he lets Barney go. Even as they're standing up, a good foot between them, Barney can see the dancer is still ready to strike out. "Fucking CIA? Are you kidding me." 

"No, not really. And you are?" 

The man sighs and runs a hand over his head, considering his options Barney guesses. "Mikhail Baryshnikov." 

Barney gives him a look. It sounds like the dancer just coughed up a lung with that name. "Alright Mickey, something tells me you're either here to stop the human trafficking, in which case, maybe we can work together, or, you're here because you _are_ a human trafficker, in which case, I'm going to have to kill you." 

"Kill me? I just had your ass down on the mat." 

_Point._ Still, Barney's pretty sure he can beat Mickey. If he gets in close before all the flow-y dance moves start. 

"Alright, look, I was already upstairs, I may have accidentally stepped on a guy's face. So these guys chased me down here." 

"Uh huh," Barney says and thinks 'You mean you accidentally _danced_ on his face right?' But he doesn't interrupt otherwise. This Mickey character, whoever he is, is a careful man. And no doubt he's working for some British agency, if he's not just another operative hired by the CIA. 

The last time Barney was sent on a mission with an operative he didn't know about, he put that guy in the ICU. 

Let's hope that's not the case. 

"Look, they've got a drop tomorrow. The boss is supposed to be there. Do you wanna show up with your CIA friends or not?" 

"Heh, they're not really my friends but, alright. Where?" 

"I'll pick you up. You're at the motel down the street right? I'll see ya, eight o'clock." 

"Did your homework then. Was I really that suspicious?" 

"Mr. Da- _li,_ you look more like a boxer than a dancer. You've got no grace and no style." 

"Oh, I'm hurt. Don't you know? Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, I'm the Italian Stallion I got all the style I need." 


End file.
